"I knew it", I thought. "Something must be wrong."
I had had a really strange feeling about this pregnancy and was actually very nervous going into my first appointment. Couldn't put my finger on why I felt this way.
"Sooo...", said my OB after a short time of moving the wand across my belly. "What do YOU see?"
I looked at her and then up at the screen, searched around trying to make sense of why she was asking me this? I was thinking, "I see a small fetus and heart beating, isn't that what we were looking for??!"
And then I spotted something else.
A SECOND fetus.
A SECOND heart beating.
A SECOND BABY???!
"T-twins?" I asked hesitantly.
"Yes!" she said. "You are pregnant with twins!"
HOLY. CRAP.
Not sure if I said that one out loud, but I am pretty certain I was thinking it!
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Then the goosebumps. Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I had been praying that everything was developing properly with the baby, etc. Each time I went to say, "Lord, please bless this baby" It always came out "please bless these babies". I would kind of laugh and say, "why do I keep saying that?!" and one time I actually said, "well, if there are two babies in there, please bless them both!" and I laughed. To be completely honest, never once did I seriously entertain the thought of having twins in my head. It's almost comical in a way, like God was gently breaking the news to me. My mind didn't grasp it at the time, but clearly He had already made my heart well aware.
The journey began. Picking up the phone to call Justin as I left the appointment. Being told, "yea, ok, whatever - see you when you get home!!!". Calling my mom next, "What?! Noooo, come on - you're just kidding around!". The drive home was a frenzied string of phone calls, trying to convince the world that I was in fact NOT joking!
First trimester. Belly growing exponentially fast. Feeling oh so very sick. Eating nothing but Cheerios. Only thing that sounds good. Second trimester. Feeling pretty good. Eating obscene amounts of protein and calcium. Waking up at least 3 times a night absolutely RAVENOUS. Fumbling around the kitchen during the middle of the night for food to satisfy the growing lives within. Working hard to drink a gallon of water a day. The "big" ultrasound .... both BOYS!!! Amazing joy, unbelief, excitement! Third trimester. Terribly uncomfortable. Can I really get any bigger?
Tiring quickly. Constant movement from the babies. Unable to keep up with my body's demands for fluids. Dehydration. Hospitalization. At least 5-6 nights within one month hooked up to IV's and two heart monitors. No sleep. Laying in the most uncomfortable positions to ensure that the monitors stay on both babies hearts. No way I am compromising these precious lives. Eyes glued to the heart monitor - watching their heart rates like a hawk for entire days and nights. Constant unplugging, wheeling IV's into the bathroom to pee every 2 minutes - soo much fluid, absolutely zero room for it. Re-plugging everything back in. Repositioning the heart monitors. No mixing up the heart monitors with me. Knew those boys by their heartbeats, the way only a mom could. Could find those babies in a flash. Nurses let me do it every time. Labor stopped. Happy to be released home again. Strict bedrest. Delivery can not come fast enough. Waterbottle constantly in hand. Timing contractions each and every day. 36 1/2wk ultrasound. Fluid is low for Baby A, time to deliver. Never been so happy to be going into labor!
Induction. Relatively quick labor. Time for the babies to come. Being rushed to the OR for delivery as precaution. Mass chaos. Sooo many people in the room. Sooo uncomfortable, need to push NOW! Keep asking to. Keep being told to hang on a little bit longer. Then the green light. Lucas is born. Incredible joy. No time to focus, one more to go! Enduring painful techniques to get Baby B in position. 5 doctors and nurses maneuvering my belly. Their feet are leaving the ground they are pushing him so hard. Can I take much more? Staring at the ceiling through tearful eyes. Gritting and bearing. And then .... another cry. Evan is born. JOY. RELIEF! I remember them wheeling me back to my room and me saying "I'm just so happy they are out!". Man, being a mom is not for the weary. :) There is nothing like new life. What a miracle.
Back home 2 days later. Nights where Justin and I averaged about 45 minutes of sleep for the entire night. Sweet boys. Darling babies. Then colic. Remember Justin referring to our mental states of mind as "we are ready to "off" ourselves" haha. (glad I can laugh about that now). Then came the budding personalities. The joyful, confident, intelligent, loving and cuddly babies that Lucas and Evan are. How much they add to our lives. How did we get to be so blessed?
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The boys will be one year old next month. This year has zipped right on by. It has been an amazing year. Wonderfully happy, yet wonderfully hard and challenging at the same time. These two boys add so much to our family. God has brought us all so far. There is a quote,
"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."
-Elizabeth Stone
I couldn't agree more.
Evan and Lucas, I hope to show you each and every day how much you are truly cherished. I love you.
