Addison and I made a deal this week. I would work on my yelling if she would work on her whining. It's had a surprising outcome. I don't mean that I never yell at my kids. I think sometimes they need to know you mean business. In our house that is a spank and if I raise my voice because they were totally out of line I am personally not too worried about it. However, I found I was yelling a lot more when I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated about whatever I needed to fit in or get done rather then when it was actually warranted for their behavior. They are, after all, young kids - even though when they accidentally spill their milk for the 20th time just as you try to sit down to your dinner and the other kids are already finished by now and asking to get down and play and you look at the mess of food on them and on the table and the floor - it is really hard not to throw your own massive tantrum. But I am surprised that her whining is really improving. Don't get me wrong, she still whines. Just not as often or as long. I remind her of our deal and it's like we are in it together and she gets a kick out of that. She also gets a kick out of reminding me to keep my cool when she sees that look of insanity creep up on my face...
I enjoy reading blogs when I can and hearing everyone's funny commentary on parenting. I also enjoy the advice and reminders that come from them. It's nice that a lot of them are saying, sometimes you just have to remember that we aren't perfect. I appreciate that. Stop trying to strive for perfection and just live. In my opinion I don't think a 'perfect' parent is even good for kids. They need to have a real role model. Someone who can admit their mistakes and show them how to work toward improving themselves. This little 'deal' Addison and I made shows me even more that it means a lot to them when you admit your shortcomings - even at only 4 yrs old.
I think what drives me to insanity at times is finding balance. I have come to the conclusion that it just might not exist at this stage in the game and maybe that is ok. Instead of trying to find it, just rolling with it is a better approach. I was feeling like becoming a mother had defined me and given me so much purpose, but it had also consumed me. People often forgot that just because I chose to quit my job and stay home with my children did not necessarily mean that I didn't want to work. Likewise, just because a mother is working doesn't necessarily mean she didn't want to be at home with her children. Being a mom has been a great way to find a common ground with other people and a fun thing to chat about, but most people (even those closest to you) sometimes forget that there was and still is more to you than just that role. You try to find balance and fit in a date night here, a friend night there, a hobby or exercise when you can. And you know what - as important as carving time out for yourself is, truth be told when you have young children you just have to sacrifice a lot of the time. It comes with the territory. And I think instead of falling into the trap of mourning the temporary loss of those things, it's ok to put a few things on hold for a while to make life work. I find I am often the craziest (most apt to break my deal with Addison) when I try to fit everything in and my kids sense that and become different themselves. If there is anything I've learned from having twins, it's been to take life at my own pace and forget about everyone else. (Because let's be honest, it takes us at least an hour to get out the door every day in the first place) :)
We've all heard it a million times, but I personally have to constantly remind myself to let things go. Constantly. Constantly. It's hard for me to do. I'd love to have it all together but the truth is that life isn't quite like that and that is what makes it hard and great all at the same time. Sometimes there are days that I forget the house and play like crazy with the kids. Some days just scream for a movie to be turned on so that I can walk into the other room for a few minutes to clean or simply to gather back the strength to keep on addressing the constant, constant flow of needs coming from my 2yr old rascal twins and their 4yr old sister. Some days I listen to, get a huge kick out of and interact with Addison's constant commentary. Cheer her on in her singing. Some days she turns the volume on her singing up to full blast and decides that coming up for air during her stories isn't required. In the background there will be talking or whining and mischief from the boys. Those days I just want to go find the vodka.
So I guess you get out when you can, take time for yourself when you really need it. But putting a stop to the unnecessary 'tatrums' I was throwing told me to be ok with the times that you can't do the things you want. Try to roll with it :) There will be good days, bad days - but making conscious choices to treat each other kindly and keep moving forward toward a better you are probably the better choices for a happy family.
