A friend's post yesterday got my mind kind of ranting on this subject. It was about her not letting her young children have all kinds of expensive, digital devices like "all the other kids" did. I completely agreed with her and the topic stayed with me. I often wonder what my young children will be encountering as they grow up in regards to the digital world.
Don't get me wrong, technology is important and our kids need know how to function in a digital world and how to use these devices. In my opinion, they need to be fluent with laptops, cell phones, iPads and the like. However, I don't think it takes much for that to happen these days and I certainly don't think these devices need to rule their lives at such a young age.
Quite frankly, I often cringe and am really saddened/scared when I see what seems like every kid bent over some kind of device for almost every spare second that they have. They are constantly watching a show, playing a game or just on the Internet. I can hardly believe stories I hear from my sister who taught Kindergarten and encountered children who picked up a real book and did not understand the concept of turning the page, but rather tried to scroll down/turn the page with a stroke of their finger like they were on a Kindle. I honestly dislike seeing minivans driving down the road for short trips to school or the store with their DVD players on to entertain the kids in back. It scares me when I hear that some schools are "book free". That just sounds completely wrong! (and I'll openly admit that I have not thoroughly researched this and my children are not yet in full time school - I should hope that they have good reasons for this, but it still makes me wonder why the written language is no longer valued at all?)
We are not an anti-technology family or anything. Our boys enjoy playing with the Leapster laptop we have that sings about letters and animals etc. Addison enjoys the occasional game on the iPad. We have a portable DVD player that saves our lives on long road trips. However, I will never be the mom to turn on the DVD player for a short jaunt around town and miss out on my daughter's thoughts as she looks out the window and asks about stop lights or the difference between the yellow and white lines on the road. I never want to miss her ideas on the airplanes in the sky or the weather outside. I will not rob my kids of taking in the world around them, forming their own thoughts and actually participating in DIALOGUE with somebody. And I kind of feel like that is what is happening around us. I feel like children are being robbed of this. They are also being taught that they need to be entertained every second of the day. What happened to patience? I hate hearing the twins crying in the backseat while I drive because they don't want to sit and wait - but you know what, that's life and they get over it.
We have a family laptop and Justin has an iPad. My 4 year old can use these very well for as seldom as she is given them. She can use my cell phone (maybe even better than me!) and all she does is occasionally call her Grandma on it or take and review a picture on it. I don't think it's necessary for young children to own these things. There is value in a family laptop while your children are small. They do not need to take these things off to their room and get into God knows what. They don't need to have them in their hands all day long. I think it is really important for them to develop their imagination, their fine motor skills, their social skills. It is so easy to feel alone in a digital world. Maybe that's where a lot of our society's problems originate. When I was little, to call a friend I had to dial their home phone number, talk for a few minutes with whoever happened to answer the phone and then I could talk to my friend. It may have been a little uncomfortable at times, but it was good to learn how to do this. These days we hardly talk verbally - we text, Facebook, email...we are missing out on a very crucial human attribute and need.
I think that lots of things have changed. There are no more pay phones, hardly any land lines. It's often more or less about safety when you hand your child their own cell phone. And I get that. And I will do the same when they are old enough to need that. I just really wish that people could try to stop relying on this stuff to entertain their kids. All kids will complain at some point of boredom. They will all whine about not having this or that. But you know what - you don't always have to give in or hand them electronics to get them to be quiet. The more you let them play outside, with other kids, build blocks, draw, use play-doh - the more their imagination will grow. Let them TALK to you. LISTEN to them. Get off your own digital devices for 5 seconds and interact with them. I sometimes have to even remind myself that I don't need to quick scroll through the Facebook statuses throughout the day. It's super tempting because it takes 5 seconds from my phone. It's fun and I enjoy it - Lord knows I post a billion pics of my kids that I take on my phone all day long. But there is more to life than just that.
I guess my rant is more or less: everything in moderation. Let your kids be kids. Teach them the value of looking someone in the eye and talking to them. Teach them patience. Teach them that they have a wonderful imagination if they can just try to put it to use. Otherwise, I truly fear what the future holds for this generation of little ones. It's scary!
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
My ear pressed to her small, fragile back, listening.
"When your child comes to you and says they don't feel good, you remain calm and ask them what's wrong. When you have a child with a food allergy, your heart stops."
Last night I was cleaning the house and went to put something back in Addison's room. She was already asleep. Normal night, came home from ballet, had a snack, brushed teeth, read a story and went right to bed. I noticed her stirring. I walked over to see her better in the dark and realized she had just thrown up on herself. Wasn't a ton, but nonetheless how odd that she would not be up and complaining of a stomach ache first - and how odd that she was acting perfectly normal and full of energy right before bed? I am immediately in the "mother of a child with a food allergy panic". I don't show it, but I am always panicking in these situations. I helped her sit up and my eyes immediately looked where her vomit had touched her skin. Sure enough it was very red, itchy and irritated.
Allergic reaction.
I try to stay calm. Carry her to the bathroom. First protocol is to get this off of her and fast. Talking soothingly, asking her my huge list of specific questions so I can get inside her head on what she is feeling without relaying my panic. The sweet little thing is actually in the tub thanking me for taking such good care of her as I send Justin running downstairs to check the list I just gave him of everything she ate that afternoon and right before bed. I know everything that enters this child's system. I have to. I always remember what she had.
We check labels like fanatics, even on things we know to be safe. You never know, recipes change, facilities begin to manufacture other things. However, it is too easy to be in a rush, grab a trusted product, do the quick label scan (double check that the allergen listed in bold at the end of the ingredients is not one that will harm Addison) and then away you go assuming that nothing has changed. Little do you know, you missed fine print at the bottom that says "processed in a facility that also handles peanut butter". That would be me. I bought pretzels that were processed in a facility that handled peanut butter. I missed that on the label. Justin ran back up to tell me. Worst feeling ever. I thought they were the ones I always bought, the ones she loved. The ones I specifically bought for her. How could I have made this mistake??
I take her out of the tub, get her in pajamas and take her downstairs. Immediate dose of Benedryl and fingers crossed that her stomach keeps it down without any issues. Normally it does fine if she has already gotten rid of what was bothering her. We decide to do a breathing treatment in hopes of warding off breathing issues to come. Her last nut encounter (thank God there has only been one other) the breathing trouble began about 1 1/2 hrs later as the allergist (thank God again) predicted and I was already on the road to their office, which is part of the hospital. The last thing I want to have to do is use the Epipen Jr. if I can safely avoid it. She calmed down and fell back asleep on the couch with Justin and I. We took her up to our bed and I spent the entire night with my ear pressed against her small, fragile back - just listening. Listening to her breathe. Listening for any beginning signs of trouble, anything that sounded like last time when our allergist had me put my ear to her and listen so that I would know. Epipen Jr. next to me on the nightstand.
Food allergies suck.
Addison is allergic to dairy, eggs and nuts. I assume all nuts, but she has for sure been confirmed with pine nuts and peanuts. Nothing airborne that we know of. Otherwise this kid is a picture of perfect health. She beats colds faster than any of us, eats more vegetables than any kid I've ever met. Her diet is very rich because we have been forced to find healthy alternative options. In many ways, it has made us a healthier family as most processed foods she can not have.
I had a very mild intolerance to wheat and dairy as a child that I later outgrew, but nothing like what we are dealing with. I had heard of people who's children were severely allergic to peanuts, felt for them and wondered why in the world so many children are ending up like this now?? Peanut free tables? Peanut free rooms? Never thought mine would be one of them. We always ate pretty healthy, tried not to put bad things in our systems. I breastfed her exclusively (she literally probably ingested 2 bottles of formula, if that, her entire infancy). Where does this come from?? I have my suspicions with GMO products and sickening things that I do not care to get into here. Things that while we try to avoid, still sometimes seem so far out of our control and the more you learn, the more disturbing and distressed you feel. She goes in for her yearly blood work soon. We will see where we stand.
This year has been especially trying for me as she began preschool. I used to work part time when she was very young, but she stayed with my sister during those hours and I knew I could trust her to take great care of her and be on top of the allergies. I send her food with her everywhere, we do not take chances. People mean well, but so many things can be innocently overlooked and it is just not worth it to us.
I had a talk with the preschool staff and gave them an Epipen Jr to keep, allergies and usual reactions all written down. I send her own snack each day, get creative with party foods that she can eat on the day they have celebrations. Her most favorite days are when we have volunteered to bring in snack for the class. She gets to be like everyone else. She gets to be "Child of the Day", stand in the front of the line, etc. It's so sweet. Still, I walk away everyday just hoping and praying that she'll stay safe, that no other parent will forget that it is a nut free classroom, that she won't have any problems. When she gets older I think some of this will subside. She'll know to wash the peanut butter that she accidentally got on her hand off right away. She'll know more about how it works. But for now, it's nerve racking.
She AMAZES me with her confidence and self restrain when it comes to this topic. I always tell her that God gave her a special belly. I heard her tell our neighbor that once and it made me smile. She knows not to eat any food offered to her before asking first. I watch her do this even with the most tempting of foods. I love her dearly for this.
I unfortunately had to have a serious conversation with her preschool teacher, because she brought home a craft that used dairy containing foods. Thankfully, as long as she doesn't eat them this only usually causes a few hives and itching - but still. If she wasn't so amazing and had popped a few cheesy goldfish in her mouth like the kid next to her did - we would have some problems. I picked her up from class and was told that she had also made a snowman with marshmallows and frosting and they "weren't sure if she could have the frosting, so they let her make it, but not eat it". Terrifying. Thankfully, it was the brand she could have. Thankfully, this child of three years frosted an entire marshmallow snowman without licking her fingers or eating it like the rest of the class until I gave her the ok to eat it on the way home. People do not understand (although after our talk, I know her teachers do now!!). I always offer to bring in her craft supplies involving food if they tell me in advance. I WILL DO THE FOOTWORK, I WILL MAKE IT EASY FOR YOU - JUST TELL ME, PLEASE DON'T EVER ASSUME. Her school has been wonderful about this ever since.
I try not to get too upset about the mindset of people not understanding. I probably wouldn't have given it much thought before Addison. However, there is nothing more terrifying and infuriating than someone who does not take a food allergy seriously when you know it could cost your child their life. Their life. Let me say this once more, their LIFE.
If you take anything away from this post, please make sure you pay attention to the children in your life with food allergies as well as the children that your children encounter with food allergies at school. Be considerate of them. They did not wake up that day with the intent of making your life hard. Put yourselves in their shoes for a minute. Imagine your child having that reaction. Imagine your anxiety being a parent of that child. It can be as simple as teaching your child to wash their hands after they eat or wiping down your small children's hands when they are finished. Then others don't have to wonder what food ended up smeared on the monkey bars or toys that your child could come into contact with.
Be informed and be aware. If it means you can't pack one ingredient in your child's lunches for the school year, that's not so bad. Close your eyes and imagine yourself with your ear against your child's back, just listening to them breathe...
It sucks, it is inconvenient for everyone around, but it's reality. And might I add, a child's life is well worth the minor inconveniences. I don't expect the world to be nut-free. I just expect that where young children are involved, people can act responsibly.
Last night I was cleaning the house and went to put something back in Addison's room. She was already asleep. Normal night, came home from ballet, had a snack, brushed teeth, read a story and went right to bed. I noticed her stirring. I walked over to see her better in the dark and realized she had just thrown up on herself. Wasn't a ton, but nonetheless how odd that she would not be up and complaining of a stomach ache first - and how odd that she was acting perfectly normal and full of energy right before bed? I am immediately in the "mother of a child with a food allergy panic". I don't show it, but I am always panicking in these situations. I helped her sit up and my eyes immediately looked where her vomit had touched her skin. Sure enough it was very red, itchy and irritated.
Allergic reaction.
I try to stay calm. Carry her to the bathroom. First protocol is to get this off of her and fast. Talking soothingly, asking her my huge list of specific questions so I can get inside her head on what she is feeling without relaying my panic. The sweet little thing is actually in the tub thanking me for taking such good care of her as I send Justin running downstairs to check the list I just gave him of everything she ate that afternoon and right before bed. I know everything that enters this child's system. I have to. I always remember what she had.
We check labels like fanatics, even on things we know to be safe. You never know, recipes change, facilities begin to manufacture other things. However, it is too easy to be in a rush, grab a trusted product, do the quick label scan (double check that the allergen listed in bold at the end of the ingredients is not one that will harm Addison) and then away you go assuming that nothing has changed. Little do you know, you missed fine print at the bottom that says "processed in a facility that also handles peanut butter". That would be me. I bought pretzels that were processed in a facility that handled peanut butter. I missed that on the label. Justin ran back up to tell me. Worst feeling ever. I thought they were the ones I always bought, the ones she loved. The ones I specifically bought for her. How could I have made this mistake??
I take her out of the tub, get her in pajamas and take her downstairs. Immediate dose of Benedryl and fingers crossed that her stomach keeps it down without any issues. Normally it does fine if she has already gotten rid of what was bothering her. We decide to do a breathing treatment in hopes of warding off breathing issues to come. Her last nut encounter (thank God there has only been one other) the breathing trouble began about 1 1/2 hrs later as the allergist (thank God again) predicted and I was already on the road to their office, which is part of the hospital. The last thing I want to have to do is use the Epipen Jr. if I can safely avoid it. She calmed down and fell back asleep on the couch with Justin and I. We took her up to our bed and I spent the entire night with my ear pressed against her small, fragile back - just listening. Listening to her breathe. Listening for any beginning signs of trouble, anything that sounded like last time when our allergist had me put my ear to her and listen so that I would know. Epipen Jr. next to me on the nightstand.
Food allergies suck.
Addison is allergic to dairy, eggs and nuts. I assume all nuts, but she has for sure been confirmed with pine nuts and peanuts. Nothing airborne that we know of. Otherwise this kid is a picture of perfect health. She beats colds faster than any of us, eats more vegetables than any kid I've ever met. Her diet is very rich because we have been forced to find healthy alternative options. In many ways, it has made us a healthier family as most processed foods she can not have.
I had a very mild intolerance to wheat and dairy as a child that I later outgrew, but nothing like what we are dealing with. I had heard of people who's children were severely allergic to peanuts, felt for them and wondered why in the world so many children are ending up like this now?? Peanut free tables? Peanut free rooms? Never thought mine would be one of them. We always ate pretty healthy, tried not to put bad things in our systems. I breastfed her exclusively (she literally probably ingested 2 bottles of formula, if that, her entire infancy). Where does this come from?? I have my suspicions with GMO products and sickening things that I do not care to get into here. Things that while we try to avoid, still sometimes seem so far out of our control and the more you learn, the more disturbing and distressed you feel. She goes in for her yearly blood work soon. We will see where we stand.
This year has been especially trying for me as she began preschool. I used to work part time when she was very young, but she stayed with my sister during those hours and I knew I could trust her to take great care of her and be on top of the allergies. I send her food with her everywhere, we do not take chances. People mean well, but so many things can be innocently overlooked and it is just not worth it to us.
I had a talk with the preschool staff and gave them an Epipen Jr to keep, allergies and usual reactions all written down. I send her own snack each day, get creative with party foods that she can eat on the day they have celebrations. Her most favorite days are when we have volunteered to bring in snack for the class. She gets to be like everyone else. She gets to be "Child of the Day", stand in the front of the line, etc. It's so sweet. Still, I walk away everyday just hoping and praying that she'll stay safe, that no other parent will forget that it is a nut free classroom, that she won't have any problems. When she gets older I think some of this will subside. She'll know to wash the peanut butter that she accidentally got on her hand off right away. She'll know more about how it works. But for now, it's nerve racking.
She AMAZES me with her confidence and self restrain when it comes to this topic. I always tell her that God gave her a special belly. I heard her tell our neighbor that once and it made me smile. She knows not to eat any food offered to her before asking first. I watch her do this even with the most tempting of foods. I love her dearly for this.
I unfortunately had to have a serious conversation with her preschool teacher, because she brought home a craft that used dairy containing foods. Thankfully, as long as she doesn't eat them this only usually causes a few hives and itching - but still. If she wasn't so amazing and had popped a few cheesy goldfish in her mouth like the kid next to her did - we would have some problems. I picked her up from class and was told that she had also made a snowman with marshmallows and frosting and they "weren't sure if she could have the frosting, so they let her make it, but not eat it". Terrifying. Thankfully, it was the brand she could have. Thankfully, this child of three years frosted an entire marshmallow snowman without licking her fingers or eating it like the rest of the class until I gave her the ok to eat it on the way home. People do not understand (although after our talk, I know her teachers do now!!). I always offer to bring in her craft supplies involving food if they tell me in advance. I WILL DO THE FOOTWORK, I WILL MAKE IT EASY FOR YOU - JUST TELL ME, PLEASE DON'T EVER ASSUME. Her school has been wonderful about this ever since.
I try not to get too upset about the mindset of people not understanding. I probably wouldn't have given it much thought before Addison. However, there is nothing more terrifying and infuriating than someone who does not take a food allergy seriously when you know it could cost your child their life. Their life. Let me say this once more, their LIFE.
If you take anything away from this post, please make sure you pay attention to the children in your life with food allergies as well as the children that your children encounter with food allergies at school. Be considerate of them. They did not wake up that day with the intent of making your life hard. Put yourselves in their shoes for a minute. Imagine your child having that reaction. Imagine your anxiety being a parent of that child. It can be as simple as teaching your child to wash their hands after they eat or wiping down your small children's hands when they are finished. Then others don't have to wonder what food ended up smeared on the monkey bars or toys that your child could come into contact with.
Be informed and be aware. If it means you can't pack one ingredient in your child's lunches for the school year, that's not so bad. Close your eyes and imagine yourself with your ear against your child's back, just listening to them breathe...
It sucks, it is inconvenient for everyone around, but it's reality. And might I add, a child's life is well worth the minor inconveniences. I don't expect the world to be nut-free. I just expect that where young children are involved, people can act responsibly.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Parenting as a Unit
Parenting as a unit. It's not what I want to do, but sometimes feel forced into. As the twins get older I am trying very hard to break out of parenting them as a unit. It is hard.
I think this whole feeling started growing in me more recently, when we hit the age where the boys now have a stronger preference for things - although really it has been an issue that bothered me all along. Looking back, it didn't always turn out to be a bad thing, but nonetheless it was still there.
When they were younger, I would always tell Justin "It would be so much easier if I could just let the baby be "the baby"". It is so easy (although well meant I know) for someone to say, "just put one of them down and make them wait". That person has clearly never had infant twins. To make a 2yr old or older sibling "just wait" is a feasible option. Sure, they might get upset - but they are old enough to play on their own or even tune into a cartoon if need be. They can understand the words "just a minute". They can even understand the concept for the most part, that the baby has certain needs because they are in fact "the baby". Try telling that to another infant. At least I can say for my boys, that from the time they were born I could not settle one down if the other one was screaming bloody murder in the bouncy seat on the floor. I couldn't even nurse one if that was happening, nor put them back to bed in the middle of the night if the other one was upset. It was all or nothing. Soothing them both at once was and still is very hard.
Holding them together to calm them down worked for a very limited amount of time from when they were old enough to be held that way (strong enough necks), yet young enough to not yet be annoyed by the lack of personal space on my lap. Now my boys are very cuddly and we often still start and end the day with both of them relaxing on my lap at the same time. I still hold one on each hip at the same time. They don't mind sharing me if they are in a good mood, but to calm them down that way is a whole different story and just doesn't (and never really did) happen. I had to find ways to calm them down at the same time. It almost always meant scrapping their personal preferences and finding some middle ground to just get them to be quiet and then try to work at tending to them from there on out. No holding the baby the way he specifically liked to be held to soothe him, heck there was not much time for that and it didn't leave any room for the other screaming baby to be held. That made me sad, but I did what I could during the days I was home alone with all three while Justin worked. But it almost always felt like it was a jip to the twins. I parented them as a unit most days. There were countless times that I went from one crying baby to the next and then back again because when I switched babies the other one got upset all over again! I always thought - man, if i could just hold them as long as they needed to be - they would be in a better mood and then I could actually put them down. Instead, it was a juggling act where I went back and forth, trying desperately not to lose my stuff!
In some aspects it was good. It made them more laid back, more patient and perhaps even better sleepers. In others it made them all the more upset and "tuned out" if you will during those times of being upset. Holding a cranky baby on your hip as you go about your day because they are just "having a day" for whatever reason is doable with one infant. And I think most moms do that within reason when they need to, sometimes that's what a baby needs. Not really easy to do that with two. Holding your sick baby and giving them extra TLC is doable with one infant. Not so much with two. You do your best and of course they get taken care of, but they get taken care of as a unit. As much as I wanted to think that one would have a hard day and I could give them more of me then and the other one would have a hard day another time where he would get that attention - that hasn't really been the case in our house! They have teethed together, been sick together, had hard days together. They feed off of each other. They are the same age, going through the same struggles. Yet they respond better to different things and that is where I find it a challenge. Sometimes even still when I run my errands I think, if I just had one "baby" who was getting impatient and tired of getting juggled from the car seat to the stroller and back again - heck, I could just hold them and run into the store. The other siblings can walk with me or ride along in the cart. The baby could be treated like the baby. Solutions never seem to be that easy with two!
I see this just as strongly now that they are toddlers, because if one toddler throws a tantrum - I can discipline them if I need to, but then I used to always found it helpful to distract afterwards and get them busy with something they enjoyed to take their mind off whatever upset them. It is extremely hard to do this with both boys. To take two tantruming toddlers who are probably grabbing at my legs to be held, or laying on the floor crying mad and trying to distract them is almost impossible. They will fight over the "distraction", since they are already agitated - or they will just fight over me. Take one twin over to a toy they like and the screaming mad other twin will be following behind, ready to spoil everything. Leaving them on the floor to "get over it" is sometimes what I do, but sometimes that just makes them worse. I have to find something that works for both of them, can't really give each one something they specifically enjoy. Everything sounds better in theory, so much advice over the last year and a half to just do this with one and let the other wait a second, but man - played out in real life it just doesn't happen that easily. We still do it, you have to - but it isn't easy. It's a hard topic to explain without sounding like a complainer and that is not the impression I want to give in this blog. Probably so much easier to understand if you have lived it.
I have to admit that the times when I can take them on their own to do something (even if it is only to take them to do something inside our house solo with me) it tugs at my heart to see how much they enjoy being paid attention to in a way that is so rare for them. I need to work this into our routines more. I've been really good about giving Addison one on one since they arrived, but it is time for them to have some of that as well. Even if I can't give them lots of one on one (let's be honest, with more than one child who really can?), I am trying very hard to do things with them that they specifically like to do. Lucas loves to cuddle. That means a lot to him. Evan loves to play together. Pushing trucks side by side or building blocks together means a lot to him. They are so very different and yet so very much alike. I hope to nurture each of their individualities and steer away from parenting them as one unit. My assumption is that it will just naturally get easier to do this as they get older. I hope so. I'm just grateful to have the advantage of them truly being best friends, loving each other's company (majority of the time) and being big sweethearts to their older sister who helps me tremendously with them throughout the week.
Someone told me that around age 7-8, parents of multiples can finally take a breath. 1 1/2 yrs down, 5 1/2 - 61/2 yrs to go! I think I can.....I think I can....
I think this whole feeling started growing in me more recently, when we hit the age where the boys now have a stronger preference for things - although really it has been an issue that bothered me all along. Looking back, it didn't always turn out to be a bad thing, but nonetheless it was still there.
When they were younger, I would always tell Justin "It would be so much easier if I could just let the baby be "the baby"". It is so easy (although well meant I know) for someone to say, "just put one of them down and make them wait". That person has clearly never had infant twins. To make a 2yr old or older sibling "just wait" is a feasible option. Sure, they might get upset - but they are old enough to play on their own or even tune into a cartoon if need be. They can understand the words "just a minute". They can even understand the concept for the most part, that the baby has certain needs because they are in fact "the baby". Try telling that to another infant. At least I can say for my boys, that from the time they were born I could not settle one down if the other one was screaming bloody murder in the bouncy seat on the floor. I couldn't even nurse one if that was happening, nor put them back to bed in the middle of the night if the other one was upset. It was all or nothing. Soothing them both at once was and still is very hard.
Holding them together to calm them down worked for a very limited amount of time from when they were old enough to be held that way (strong enough necks), yet young enough to not yet be annoyed by the lack of personal space on my lap. Now my boys are very cuddly and we often still start and end the day with both of them relaxing on my lap at the same time. I still hold one on each hip at the same time. They don't mind sharing me if they are in a good mood, but to calm them down that way is a whole different story and just doesn't (and never really did) happen. I had to find ways to calm them down at the same time. It almost always meant scrapping their personal preferences and finding some middle ground to just get them to be quiet and then try to work at tending to them from there on out. No holding the baby the way he specifically liked to be held to soothe him, heck there was not much time for that and it didn't leave any room for the other screaming baby to be held. That made me sad, but I did what I could during the days I was home alone with all three while Justin worked. But it almost always felt like it was a jip to the twins. I parented them as a unit most days. There were countless times that I went from one crying baby to the next and then back again because when I switched babies the other one got upset all over again! I always thought - man, if i could just hold them as long as they needed to be - they would be in a better mood and then I could actually put them down. Instead, it was a juggling act where I went back and forth, trying desperately not to lose my stuff!
In some aspects it was good. It made them more laid back, more patient and perhaps even better sleepers. In others it made them all the more upset and "tuned out" if you will during those times of being upset. Holding a cranky baby on your hip as you go about your day because they are just "having a day" for whatever reason is doable with one infant. And I think most moms do that within reason when they need to, sometimes that's what a baby needs. Not really easy to do that with two. Holding your sick baby and giving them extra TLC is doable with one infant. Not so much with two. You do your best and of course they get taken care of, but they get taken care of as a unit. As much as I wanted to think that one would have a hard day and I could give them more of me then and the other one would have a hard day another time where he would get that attention - that hasn't really been the case in our house! They have teethed together, been sick together, had hard days together. They feed off of each other. They are the same age, going through the same struggles. Yet they respond better to different things and that is where I find it a challenge. Sometimes even still when I run my errands I think, if I just had one "baby" who was getting impatient and tired of getting juggled from the car seat to the stroller and back again - heck, I could just hold them and run into the store. The other siblings can walk with me or ride along in the cart. The baby could be treated like the baby. Solutions never seem to be that easy with two!
I see this just as strongly now that they are toddlers, because if one toddler throws a tantrum - I can discipline them if I need to, but then I used to always found it helpful to distract afterwards and get them busy with something they enjoyed to take their mind off whatever upset them. It is extremely hard to do this with both boys. To take two tantruming toddlers who are probably grabbing at my legs to be held, or laying on the floor crying mad and trying to distract them is almost impossible. They will fight over the "distraction", since they are already agitated - or they will just fight over me. Take one twin over to a toy they like and the screaming mad other twin will be following behind, ready to spoil everything. Leaving them on the floor to "get over it" is sometimes what I do, but sometimes that just makes them worse. I have to find something that works for both of them, can't really give each one something they specifically enjoy. Everything sounds better in theory, so much advice over the last year and a half to just do this with one and let the other wait a second, but man - played out in real life it just doesn't happen that easily. We still do it, you have to - but it isn't easy. It's a hard topic to explain without sounding like a complainer and that is not the impression I want to give in this blog. Probably so much easier to understand if you have lived it.
I have to admit that the times when I can take them on their own to do something (even if it is only to take them to do something inside our house solo with me) it tugs at my heart to see how much they enjoy being paid attention to in a way that is so rare for them. I need to work this into our routines more. I've been really good about giving Addison one on one since they arrived, but it is time for them to have some of that as well. Even if I can't give them lots of one on one (let's be honest, with more than one child who really can?), I am trying very hard to do things with them that they specifically like to do. Lucas loves to cuddle. That means a lot to him. Evan loves to play together. Pushing trucks side by side or building blocks together means a lot to him. They are so very different and yet so very much alike. I hope to nurture each of their individualities and steer away from parenting them as one unit. My assumption is that it will just naturally get easier to do this as they get older. I hope so. I'm just grateful to have the advantage of them truly being best friends, loving each other's company (majority of the time) and being big sweethearts to their older sister who helps me tremendously with them throughout the week.
Someone told me that around age 7-8, parents of multiples can finally take a breath. 1 1/2 yrs down, 5 1/2 - 61/2 yrs to go! I think I can.....I think I can....
Monday, November 19, 2012
Thankful
I've been reading everyone's posts about being thankful and it got me thinking about things I am thankful for. The one nice (but also sometimes annoying) feature of Facebook, is that there are always quotes being posted. Things to think about. There are two that come to mind now.
The first is that "Christmas is a time when we feel homesick, even if we are already at home." The second is to "be thankful for the things you have, because they were afterall, things you had once wished for." I think they are both pretty powerful if you give them some thought. I also think they tie in together well.
I think it is human nature to always be slightly dissatisfied. Always long for something more. When we are children, we can't wait to grow up. In high school, we can't wait for college. In college, we can't wait to graduate and start a new adventure. With marriage, eventually comes the desire for children. The list goes on and on. It is not necessarily a bad thing. On some level, it keeps us going. We need new things to work toward. New things to experience, to conquer. But we are never quite fulfilled, are we? When I saw the quote about Christmas, it got me thinking. First of all, how true I personally found it to be. You can be surrounded by loving family, great food, great memories - and still feel a little stirring in your soul. A little pit in your stomach, I think we can feel homesick at home because we are not truly "home".
How fitting that it be on Christmas of all holidays that we might feel this longing, this stirring the strongest. It is afterall, Jesus's birthday. We know this in our mind, but perhaps glaze over it by following the trends, making New Year's resolutions. Ways we think we can be more fulfilled for the next year. I believe that this feeling is our longing for our heavenly home. For our Heavenly Father. He is the one stirring in our soul.
Philippians 3:20
"But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ"
2 Corinthians 5:2
"Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling"
Now I am not saying that we just scrap life on earth and wait for heaven. I want to live a long, fruitful, happy life here. But I think I realize that we will never be truly satisfied on earth. In realizing this, I believe it frees me of some of the discontent. God gives us little glimpses of heaven. Reflections of Himself. Every day. Yes, every day. These keep us going, running toward the goal. They bring us the true joy. It is for these things I find I am truly thankful.
"Be thankful for the things you have, because they were afterall, things you had once wished for." Of course not everything in our lives are things we hoped for. Things we wished for. But if you stop and think, a lot of them probably are. And with them, came glimpses of our Heavenly Father. It's easy to miss these. Easy to become disconnected, too preoccupied with the next thing. It's hard to live in the moment. And yet we are instructed to.
Matthew 6:34
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
I like this quote:
"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift.
That's why we call it the present." ~Babatunde Olatunji
I think these moments can be as simple as driving your first car, windows down, warm breeze in your hair. Feeling of freedom. God gave you that freedom, you know. You didn't really care back then if you were driving a clunker or not - you just enjoyed the moment for what it was. The warmth of my children's hugs. The joy in their laughter. The honesty in their commentary. Reflections of a warm, loving, honest God. When they are all driving me nuts, it's hard to keep this thankful attitude. But I find it encouraging that the old ladies who tell you to soak it all up, cherish every moment probably DO remember some of the hard times with their children. But not all of them. The memories that stick with them are the glimpses of God. The reflections of Him that were revealed to them through those little ones, so fresh from His arms.
I was grabbing a cup of coffee this afternoon to give me an energy boost to get through the day. The kids had just finished lunch and were happily running laps around the downstairs. Giggles, squeals, pit stops to kiss mom. It honestly brought tears to my eyes thinking - THIS is one thing I am truly thankful for. At this stage in my life, it is through them that I feel God revealed to me the most. Sure they often drive me nuts. They often exhaust me to tears. But you know what, they bring me so much joy and meaning. They are gifts.
This holiday season, I am thankful for my Heavenly Father and all of the ways He chooses to reveal Himself to me. I want to work harder at recognizing these moments. I am thankful for those pieces of Him that dwell within me. I want to work harder at letting them shine for everyone else to see.
The first is that "Christmas is a time when we feel homesick, even if we are already at home." The second is to "be thankful for the things you have, because they were afterall, things you had once wished for." I think they are both pretty powerful if you give them some thought. I also think they tie in together well.
I think it is human nature to always be slightly dissatisfied. Always long for something more. When we are children, we can't wait to grow up. In high school, we can't wait for college. In college, we can't wait to graduate and start a new adventure. With marriage, eventually comes the desire for children. The list goes on and on. It is not necessarily a bad thing. On some level, it keeps us going. We need new things to work toward. New things to experience, to conquer. But we are never quite fulfilled, are we? When I saw the quote about Christmas, it got me thinking. First of all, how true I personally found it to be. You can be surrounded by loving family, great food, great memories - and still feel a little stirring in your soul. A little pit in your stomach, I think we can feel homesick at home because we are not truly "home".
How fitting that it be on Christmas of all holidays that we might feel this longing, this stirring the strongest. It is afterall, Jesus's birthday. We know this in our mind, but perhaps glaze over it by following the trends, making New Year's resolutions. Ways we think we can be more fulfilled for the next year. I believe that this feeling is our longing for our heavenly home. For our Heavenly Father. He is the one stirring in our soul.
Philippians 3:20
"But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ"
2 Corinthians 5:2
"Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling"
Now I am not saying that we just scrap life on earth and wait for heaven. I want to live a long, fruitful, happy life here. But I think I realize that we will never be truly satisfied on earth. In realizing this, I believe it frees me of some of the discontent. God gives us little glimpses of heaven. Reflections of Himself. Every day. Yes, every day. These keep us going, running toward the goal. They bring us the true joy. It is for these things I find I am truly thankful.
"Be thankful for the things you have, because they were afterall, things you had once wished for." Of course not everything in our lives are things we hoped for. Things we wished for. But if you stop and think, a lot of them probably are. And with them, came glimpses of our Heavenly Father. It's easy to miss these. Easy to become disconnected, too preoccupied with the next thing. It's hard to live in the moment. And yet we are instructed to.
Matthew 6:34
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
I like this quote:
"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift.
That's why we call it the present." ~Babatunde Olatunji
I think these moments can be as simple as driving your first car, windows down, warm breeze in your hair. Feeling of freedom. God gave you that freedom, you know. You didn't really care back then if you were driving a clunker or not - you just enjoyed the moment for what it was. The warmth of my children's hugs. The joy in their laughter. The honesty in their commentary. Reflections of a warm, loving, honest God. When they are all driving me nuts, it's hard to keep this thankful attitude. But I find it encouraging that the old ladies who tell you to soak it all up, cherish every moment probably DO remember some of the hard times with their children. But not all of them. The memories that stick with them are the glimpses of God. The reflections of Him that were revealed to them through those little ones, so fresh from His arms.
I was grabbing a cup of coffee this afternoon to give me an energy boost to get through the day. The kids had just finished lunch and were happily running laps around the downstairs. Giggles, squeals, pit stops to kiss mom. It honestly brought tears to my eyes thinking - THIS is one thing I am truly thankful for. At this stage in my life, it is through them that I feel God revealed to me the most. Sure they often drive me nuts. They often exhaust me to tears. But you know what, they bring me so much joy and meaning. They are gifts.
This holiday season, I am thankful for my Heavenly Father and all of the ways He chooses to reveal Himself to me. I want to work harder at recognizing these moments. I am thankful for those pieces of Him that dwell within me. I want to work harder at letting them shine for everyone else to see.
Friday, November 9, 2012
'Mom of the Year' Award
So I had one of those moments the other day, where I realized that I was "that" mom. It was slightly disturbing, I'm not gonna lie. Let me set the stage for you....
So it was a whiny morning for my kids. Not sure why, but everything we did seemed like a chore. We took Addison to preschool, came home and the boys and I ate lunch, played a little bit and then headed back to pick her up.
So we pull into the parking lot and I am considering my options. Do I unload the boys and load them into their stroller to get her - or just say screw it and let them walk in with me. Sounds silly, but by the time I get these almost 30 pound turkeys changed, into their winter coats and shoes and then into their carseats - the last thing I feel like doing is unloading the chubs, then immediately loading them into the double stroller only to unload them from the stroller 10mins later once we have Addison, then load them BACK into their carseats only to drive home and unload them yet AGAIN to bring them into their house! Self inflicted, yes. However, letting Addison have an escape twice a week where she can learn and play with other kids her age is worth it to me.
Well, I chose to let them walk in. And by walk in, I mean I carry Lucas and hold Evan's hand. Evan holds my hand with a death grip while in public, while Lucas tends to let go - so I figure this is the safest route. So in we go. So far so good. We get to Addison's classroom and they are running a bit late. They are still cleaning up their last project so the door is closed and we are waiting outside with some other moms and siblings. In my head I am hoping to God that the boys will be patient and not wiggle or run off to explore on me. I am totally outnumbered here. This could be bad...
To my delight, Lucas was happy to sit in my arms and Evan happy to hold my hand and watch the other kids while we waited. Ok, great. Almost ready. As my arm gets more and more fatigued holding Lucas I am wondering why today of all days I chose to leave the stroller in the car and her class has to be running 15mins late!
Finally, the door opens and out she comes and we collect her things to leave. Also to my delight, the boys are happy to wait while we do this and stick closeby. Then we assume our stance again, Lucas back in my arms and Evan holding my hand. Addison walking next to us. Out into the parking lot we go. Almost to the van when Addison decides she's going to switch up her route and walk the rest of the way on the grass instead of the pavement. Not a big deal, except the reason I was staying on the pavement was because the grass makes the boys think it's time to go run and play and when they see Addison do this - 'walking nicely' time is officially over.
Crap.
So I have to keep them safe, obviously. And to do this I called Addison back and she listened, but it was too late for the boys. So I have no choice but to assume the football hold with both boys, one under each arm. Both writhing around mad and impatient. Thank God for automatic van doors as I clumsily fumbled for the button, while trying not to drop them. I got the door to open and more or less chucked the boys in. This probably looked bad. Maybe it was bad. But it was better than having them be hit by a car. In I follow as fast as I can and shut the van door.
Phew. Everyone in. Wait, it probably just looked like I kidnapped these kids. Oh screw it. 'Way to go Shawn', I think. Next time take the extra time and hassle to get them in the stroller!
Well, it doesn't end here.
Now I have two pissed off toddlers roaming the van screaming mad. In my attempts to wrastle them down and buckle them into their seats, I hear Addison start to pitch a fit. 'WHAT NOW?' I am thinking. So I ask her what's wrong over the chorus of all three screaming, she tells me:
"Your butt smacked my face!" Oh wonderful.
Now, I by no means claim to be a stick thin girl, but I also have a hard time believing that my ars, somehow severely smacked Addison in the face while she was up sitting in her carseat no less. There were no marks, no blood - just a girl that has a set of lungs when she chooses to and now was the time that she chose to SCREAM about it.
Up comes an elderly lady who was leaving the Y. She stops at my van, comes close to the tinted back window and GLARES in at me when we make eye contact as I am trying to buckle Lucas in.
Now I am wrestling children into their seats, wondering how in the heck it suddenly got so hot outside because I am at this point totally exhausted and sweating profusely. My inital reaction is to think "Back off old lady and mind your own business, everything is TOTALLY under control! (ok, not even close, but get lost...)". Although after the fact, I realize it's a good thing there are people who would check a van of screaming children to be sure that they were not left in there or being abused. But as she backed away, got in her car and pulled out - she was glaring at me the entire time. This really annoyed me.
"You have no idea!!!" I wanted to scream.... "NOOOOO IDEAAAAAAA!!"
So yes, as soon as we pulled away - the boys fell asleep, Addison was totally recovered from getting 'abused' by my rear end and we drove in silence, the entire time I am thinking.
'Mom of the Year' award, Shawn. 'Mom of the Year' award.
Can I take a nap?
So it was a whiny morning for my kids. Not sure why, but everything we did seemed like a chore. We took Addison to preschool, came home and the boys and I ate lunch, played a little bit and then headed back to pick her up.
So we pull into the parking lot and I am considering my options. Do I unload the boys and load them into their stroller to get her - or just say screw it and let them walk in with me. Sounds silly, but by the time I get these almost 30 pound turkeys changed, into their winter coats and shoes and then into their carseats - the last thing I feel like doing is unloading the chubs, then immediately loading them into the double stroller only to unload them from the stroller 10mins later once we have Addison, then load them BACK into their carseats only to drive home and unload them yet AGAIN to bring them into their house! Self inflicted, yes. However, letting Addison have an escape twice a week where she can learn and play with other kids her age is worth it to me.
Well, I chose to let them walk in. And by walk in, I mean I carry Lucas and hold Evan's hand. Evan holds my hand with a death grip while in public, while Lucas tends to let go - so I figure this is the safest route. So in we go. So far so good. We get to Addison's classroom and they are running a bit late. They are still cleaning up their last project so the door is closed and we are waiting outside with some other moms and siblings. In my head I am hoping to God that the boys will be patient and not wiggle or run off to explore on me. I am totally outnumbered here. This could be bad...
To my delight, Lucas was happy to sit in my arms and Evan happy to hold my hand and watch the other kids while we waited. Ok, great. Almost ready. As my arm gets more and more fatigued holding Lucas I am wondering why today of all days I chose to leave the stroller in the car and her class has to be running 15mins late!
Finally, the door opens and out she comes and we collect her things to leave. Also to my delight, the boys are happy to wait while we do this and stick closeby. Then we assume our stance again, Lucas back in my arms and Evan holding my hand. Addison walking next to us. Out into the parking lot we go. Almost to the van when Addison decides she's going to switch up her route and walk the rest of the way on the grass instead of the pavement. Not a big deal, except the reason I was staying on the pavement was because the grass makes the boys think it's time to go run and play and when they see Addison do this - 'walking nicely' time is officially over.
Crap.
So I have to keep them safe, obviously. And to do this I called Addison back and she listened, but it was too late for the boys. So I have no choice but to assume the football hold with both boys, one under each arm. Both writhing around mad and impatient. Thank God for automatic van doors as I clumsily fumbled for the button, while trying not to drop them. I got the door to open and more or less chucked the boys in. This probably looked bad. Maybe it was bad. But it was better than having them be hit by a car. In I follow as fast as I can and shut the van door.
Phew. Everyone in. Wait, it probably just looked like I kidnapped these kids. Oh screw it. 'Way to go Shawn', I think. Next time take the extra time and hassle to get them in the stroller!
Well, it doesn't end here.
Now I have two pissed off toddlers roaming the van screaming mad. In my attempts to wrastle them down and buckle them into their seats, I hear Addison start to pitch a fit. 'WHAT NOW?' I am thinking. So I ask her what's wrong over the chorus of all three screaming, she tells me:
"Your butt smacked my face!" Oh wonderful.
Now, I by no means claim to be a stick thin girl, but I also have a hard time believing that my ars, somehow severely smacked Addison in the face while she was up sitting in her carseat no less. There were no marks, no blood - just a girl that has a set of lungs when she chooses to and now was the time that she chose to SCREAM about it.
Up comes an elderly lady who was leaving the Y. She stops at my van, comes close to the tinted back window and GLARES in at me when we make eye contact as I am trying to buckle Lucas in.
Now I am wrestling children into their seats, wondering how in the heck it suddenly got so hot outside because I am at this point totally exhausted and sweating profusely. My inital reaction is to think "Back off old lady and mind your own business, everything is TOTALLY under control! (ok, not even close, but get lost...)". Although after the fact, I realize it's a good thing there are people who would check a van of screaming children to be sure that they were not left in there or being abused. But as she backed away, got in her car and pulled out - she was glaring at me the entire time. This really annoyed me.
"You have no idea!!!" I wanted to scream.... "NOOOOO IDEAAAAAAA!!"
So yes, as soon as we pulled away - the boys fell asleep, Addison was totally recovered from getting 'abused' by my rear end and we drove in silence, the entire time I am thinking.
'Mom of the Year' award, Shawn. 'Mom of the Year' award.
Can I take a nap?
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
For a smile
So my blog was loosely intended to be an account of the funny things that go on in a household with three little ones. It's turned out to be more serious in the last few entries - so I figure a light hearted subject is overdue.
Once Addison was old enough to notice what we were watching on TV, our rights to the television were more or less handed over during her waking hours. Especially these days, you can't exactly watch an adult show with a 3 1/2 yr old asking "why" to each and everything she witnesses. Case and point, last weekend when she said in front of others "Hey Dad, are you going to watch the movie where that lady throws that guy's body off the balcony again?". Yikes. Granted, it was not a body - but a statue. Clearly she processed it otherwise. So the other day it dawns on Justin and I what a strange selection of odd kid tv shows we are subjected to on a daily basis...we were laughing hysterically.
We use the Netflix on Demand (or whatever that is called) for a lot of the shows Addison likes. It has a large selection of popular cartoons and children's movies. It's that or PBS Kids. Normally works out pretty well. The downfall: Netflix also contains the most random children's shows and cartoons. The ones you never wanted to see. The ones you wish you never saw. As Addison has gotten older, she wants nothing more than to try out these new shows. I literally can not even believe some of them have ever aired.
For some reason, she is gravitating toward shows that originate from Australia. Namely one called "Fairies: Meet the Fairies". Let's just say scroll to the 14 minute mark and get ready to watch a pervy wizard in an all too revealing silver spandex suit who prances around some low budget set singing about himself. HORRIBLE!! And yet she loves it. And wants to watch it everyday. And I sing his song in my head constantly. And am reminded of the awful spandex suit, bad camera angles and dance moves. Nuf said.
Let's not even discuss the part where they sing a song about "sliding, sliding, sliding down the slippery dip...". My guess is that something is lost in translation here, but let's just say the accent does not help it sound like anything G rated...and it's a tad disturbing to hear Addison playing and singing this tune to herself.
It's funny the songs and phrases children pick up on. We are working hard on Addison's filter. I sure loved walking out of Target last month as she announced to everyone in the parking lot that, "Look Mom, that lady is chubby like Lukey." Or walking into her dance class last night as she loudly recognized "the girl who didn't listen last week". Or shopping in Kroger as she asked me over and over again, "what is that GIRL doing?" (boy with long hair stocking the yogurt). I tried to say, "that BOY is stocking the yogurt". But she didn't buy it. Apparently, his hair was too long. Or at the twins first birthday party as everyone is eating their dinner, the conversation lulls and I hear her voice rise above everyone elses explicitly describing to those around her the details of her bout with the stomach flu last winter. And I mean explicitly. You have to be 100 steps ahead of this kid so as to quickly steer her in another direction before disaster occurs! It's impossible.
Oh, the interests and thought process of a 3 year old....!!
Once Addison was old enough to notice what we were watching on TV, our rights to the television were more or less handed over during her waking hours. Especially these days, you can't exactly watch an adult show with a 3 1/2 yr old asking "why" to each and everything she witnesses. Case and point, last weekend when she said in front of others "Hey Dad, are you going to watch the movie where that lady throws that guy's body off the balcony again?". Yikes. Granted, it was not a body - but a statue. Clearly she processed it otherwise. So the other day it dawns on Justin and I what a strange selection of odd kid tv shows we are subjected to on a daily basis...we were laughing hysterically.
We use the Netflix on Demand (or whatever that is called) for a lot of the shows Addison likes. It has a large selection of popular cartoons and children's movies. It's that or PBS Kids. Normally works out pretty well. The downfall: Netflix also contains the most random children's shows and cartoons. The ones you never wanted to see. The ones you wish you never saw. As Addison has gotten older, she wants nothing more than to try out these new shows. I literally can not even believe some of them have ever aired.
For some reason, she is gravitating toward shows that originate from Australia. Namely one called "Fairies: Meet the Fairies". Let's just say scroll to the 14 minute mark and get ready to watch a pervy wizard in an all too revealing silver spandex suit who prances around some low budget set singing about himself. HORRIBLE!! And yet she loves it. And wants to watch it everyday. And I sing his song in my head constantly. And am reminded of the awful spandex suit, bad camera angles and dance moves. Nuf said.
Let's not even discuss the part where they sing a song about "sliding, sliding, sliding down the slippery dip...". My guess is that something is lost in translation here, but let's just say the accent does not help it sound like anything G rated...and it's a tad disturbing to hear Addison playing and singing this tune to herself.
It's funny the songs and phrases children pick up on. We are working hard on Addison's filter. I sure loved walking out of Target last month as she announced to everyone in the parking lot that, "Look Mom, that lady is chubby like Lukey." Or walking into her dance class last night as she loudly recognized "the girl who didn't listen last week". Or shopping in Kroger as she asked me over and over again, "what is that GIRL doing?" (boy with long hair stocking the yogurt). I tried to say, "that BOY is stocking the yogurt". But she didn't buy it. Apparently, his hair was too long. Or at the twins first birthday party as everyone is eating their dinner, the conversation lulls and I hear her voice rise above everyone elses explicitly describing to those around her the details of her bout with the stomach flu last winter. And I mean explicitly. You have to be 100 steps ahead of this kid so as to quickly steer her in another direction before disaster occurs! It's impossible.
Oh, the interests and thought process of a 3 year old....!!
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Redeeming moments
If there is one thing (among many others) that I believe my parents did right, it was to teach us kids to love each other unconditionally, support each other and be there for each other no matter what. We are family, blood. End of story.
I am so thankful for that. I love my one brother and three sisters to death. To this day, I can not think of a single time where one sibling was not speaking to another sibling, or even one fight that was more significant than those old high school squabbles such as "you borrowed my shirt without asking, now I want to wear it and I found it lying on your floor in a dirty pile of laundry....". :) My siblings are great. We have a tight bond. No matter how near or far we live, how often or seldom we see each other - there are certain jokes, places, memories that allow us to pick right up where we left off each and every time. This is something that I sincerely hope to instill into my children. Sure at this point they are only just under a year and a half and three and a half - but I think it's important, even at this stage.
In general, I am not a person who questions myself very often. Meaning, I usually have a pretty strong gut feeling about things, make a decision and live with it. I normally don't spend too much time looking back or wondering "what if I would have....". However, I've found with raising kids I become totally opposite! I have days where I wonder where in the world did I go wrong?! What have I done?! Did I spend too much time today worrying about a clean house when I could have been playing with my kids?! Did I handle that temper tantrum properly?! Am I treating all of them equally, spending enough quality time with each of them?! Why are all of my kids screaming and crying for no reason right now?! Why in the world are they fighting over each and every toy today?! How come each diaper change is the end of the world this week?! It's kind of pathetic.
I think this is magnified in me by everyone's assumption that simply because Addison has twin brothers, she must be insanely jealous of the attention they get and totally hate them for it. Or that simply because Lucas and Evan are twins, they will have some void of never getting enough one on one time from me. When we run into other parents of multiples (or even just other people in general) they ALWAYS ask me how Addison handles having twin brothers and then tell me a story about how their older siblings can't stand their twins or the attention they get. I kind of hate that. But in these moments, I am reminded of how lucky we are. Sure I believe that it was hard for Addison at just under 2 1/2 to understand the end of my pregnancy when I went on bed rest and everything that mom used to do with and for her was now being done by someone else. But she handled it pretty darn well in my opinion. I definitely think it was an adjustment for all of us learning how much time it would take for us to care for the twins in the beginning. Addison had her moments of acting out, moments of tears because she wanted me to be able to do everything the way we used to. But to be honest, I hear those same stories from my friends with singletons and even worse stories at that! Was the behavior due to the twins? Due to her being 2 1/2? In the end, maybe a combination of both. Either way, I think, gosh - if people could only see how she cares for them, waits patiently for them to be taken care of before her needs are met - I think they would be amazed. It's kind of hard for me to explain. But when I am reminded, I consider these moments to have such redeeming value in my quest for a tight knit family. In these moments I think, ok - maybe something really is headed in the right direction here.
Moments such as when Addison comes home from preschool and the boys run and tackle her with a hug....
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I am so thankful for that. I love my one brother and three sisters to death. To this day, I can not think of a single time where one sibling was not speaking to another sibling, or even one fight that was more significant than those old high school squabbles such as "you borrowed my shirt without asking, now I want to wear it and I found it lying on your floor in a dirty pile of laundry....". :) My siblings are great. We have a tight bond. No matter how near or far we live, how often or seldom we see each other - there are certain jokes, places, memories that allow us to pick right up where we left off each and every time. This is something that I sincerely hope to instill into my children. Sure at this point they are only just under a year and a half and three and a half - but I think it's important, even at this stage.
In general, I am not a person who questions myself very often. Meaning, I usually have a pretty strong gut feeling about things, make a decision and live with it. I normally don't spend too much time looking back or wondering "what if I would have....". However, I've found with raising kids I become totally opposite! I have days where I wonder where in the world did I go wrong?! What have I done?! Did I spend too much time today worrying about a clean house when I could have been playing with my kids?! Did I handle that temper tantrum properly?! Am I treating all of them equally, spending enough quality time with each of them?! Why are all of my kids screaming and crying for no reason right now?! Why in the world are they fighting over each and every toy today?! How come each diaper change is the end of the world this week?! It's kind of pathetic.
I think this is magnified in me by everyone's assumption that simply because Addison has twin brothers, she must be insanely jealous of the attention they get and totally hate them for it. Or that simply because Lucas and Evan are twins, they will have some void of never getting enough one on one time from me. When we run into other parents of multiples (or even just other people in general) they ALWAYS ask me how Addison handles having twin brothers and then tell me a story about how their older siblings can't stand their twins or the attention they get. I kind of hate that. But in these moments, I am reminded of how lucky we are. Sure I believe that it was hard for Addison at just under 2 1/2 to understand the end of my pregnancy when I went on bed rest and everything that mom used to do with and for her was now being done by someone else. But she handled it pretty darn well in my opinion. I definitely think it was an adjustment for all of us learning how much time it would take for us to care for the twins in the beginning. Addison had her moments of acting out, moments of tears because she wanted me to be able to do everything the way we used to. But to be honest, I hear those same stories from my friends with singletons and even worse stories at that! Was the behavior due to the twins? Due to her being 2 1/2? In the end, maybe a combination of both. Either way, I think, gosh - if people could only see how she cares for them, waits patiently for them to be taken care of before her needs are met - I think they would be amazed. It's kind of hard for me to explain. But when I am reminded, I consider these moments to have such redeeming value in my quest for a tight knit family. In these moments I think, ok - maybe something really is headed in the right direction here.
Moments such as when Addison comes home from preschool and the boys run and tackle her with a hug....
Moments when I take the first boy up to lay him down for a nap and come down to find that Addison has become a second mom to the one who was waiting downstairs for his turn. She had propped him up on a pillow, wrapped him in blankets and had given him a pacifier and is rubbing his head gently while he waits for me...
Moments where I find them all playing together happily, laughing and enjoying each other's company...forts, pretend trains, movies....
Of course we still have our ugly moments: temper tantrums, fights over toys, occasional pushes and shoves and of course I still do fear the teenage years and what all that brings (!!), but I find that God calms me down each evening when I lay them in bed and look at them peacefully sleeping. It's like His way of telling me "Forget today's shortcomings. You can do this again tomorrow. I don't call the qualified. I qualify the called."
I sure hope I do these three precious souls justice.
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