Fiery

I've come to the conclusion that my kids are fiery.  And I think I kind of like that about them. 

They can love just as passionately as they can tantrum.  They are not easily distracted, they know what they want and they stick to their guns.  They are not easily broken!  I used to be embarrassed by this sometimes.  However, I've recently decided that this is a good trait to have in the future, though it can be challenging in the earlier years.  I hope to channel it properly so that it can be beneficial and not detrimental to them.  I admire parents who embrace their kids personalities instead of trying to break them.  It sure is a delicate balance though to keep the discipline at the same time.

I just figured I'd write this today to encourage other moms who are feeling like they need to fit their kids into a certain mold, to try and take a step back and consider what is really important to YOU and YOUR family.  What got me on this topic was that my good friend (also a mother of twins) just mailed me this book out of the blue, "Desperate Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe".  I started it and although I am not finished yet - it is really good.  It is all about being who God created you to be, so that you can be a blessing to your kids and allow them to be who God made them to be. It focuses on the role of motherhood and is about not getting bogged down by all of the outside influences and just trying to enjoy these early and oftentimes hard younger years in our children's lives.  Trying to find balance and happiness as a mom instead of working yourself to the bone and still feeling inferior.  We compare ourselves constantly in this world to others and sometimes it just isn't healthy. We expect to be perfect and we expect our kids to achieve perfection and it just isn't the way we were designed.  I have bad days and so do my children.  We are human.

I have learned a lot (and am still learning every day) from the experience of having twins.  One important thing is that you can have two babies/toddlers, same environment, same rules, same routine and get a totally different outcome from each child.  Out of our three children, I have two kids that remind me of each other (Addison and Lucas) and one who is quite different (Evan).  I used the same sleep 'training' if you will and had 1 great sleeper (Evan) and 2 not so great sleepers (Addison and Lucas).  I used to think that was all my fault - and though some of it surely relies on the parent's coaching, a heck of a lot depends on the child themselves.  I have two kids that tell me things play by play all day long - chatterboxes, very vocal and very interactive (you guessed it - Addison and Lucas).  Then I have one who saves most of his stories for quiet time, alone with me.  Content to play pretty quietly during the day but wanting to explain all about it one on one at the end of the day (Evan). 

I resolved a while back to try and forget what everyone else thinks (although sure it still is sometimes important to me and probably always will be) and just follow my heart.  Do what is best for our family and kids.  I used to think I needed to push my kids to go to other people very easily and make them really flexible.  Felt like I needed to make them fit into this 'easy kid' mold.  Now I realize what I knew deep down all along that it's totally healthy and normal for young kids to prefer their parents, to want their mom and why would I want to give up that love and affection, take away that security or force it to be smothered just to make someone else happy?  The reality for our household is that in having twins, it required a consistent schedule.  Our kids thrive in that environment and it makes for a happy home and well behaved kids.  Nap time and bedtime I try to keep at roughly the same time everyday (even though sure we try not to be totally locked in to this so as to miss out on things).  My kids still like pacifiers.  I don't want them in their mouths all day long, but if it helps at night for bed or if the boys are under the weather and it calms them down, I couldn't care less.  I used to think I needed to keep it away from them to avoid comments or people pulling it out of their mouths.  I don't feel that way anymore.  It works for us, so why not.  It's not like this phase will last forever.

So just a short note to embrace your kid's fiery-ness (is that a word?) and don't feel like you have to always nit pick or cram them into a nice neat box to gain approval as a mother or for them to gain approval as a child.  Hang in there, don't compromise your expectations for good behavior, but also try to be full of grace and forgiveness and encourage them to figure out who they are and how they can channel their personalities to be the best they can be.  It's a daily battle for sure, but one that's worth every effort we give as parents. 

A quote from "Desperate Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe" by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson,

"If you inhabit your role as a mother primarily from love, you will see God's hand moving every part of your life.  Love is the most important value to God. Jesus said the whole law could be summed up in two commandments-love God, and love people.  He said people would know we were His followers by our love, and so it makes sense that our children will truly know we are His followers by the love we show them.  Love is the fuel that energizes every other type of growth.  If you love well, you will influence your children, and your love will cover over many inadequacies."