Redeeming moments

If there is one thing (among many others) that I believe my parents did right, it was to teach us kids to love each other unconditionally, support each other and be there for each other no matter what.  We are family, blood.  End of story. 

I am so thankful for that.  I love my one brother and three sisters to death.  To this day, I can not think of a single time where one sibling was not speaking to another sibling, or even one fight that was more significant than those old high school squabbles such as "you borrowed my shirt without asking, now I want to wear it and I found it lying on your floor in a dirty pile of laundry....".  :)  My siblings are great.  We have a tight bond.  No matter how near or far we live, how often or seldom we see each other - there are certain jokes, places, memories that allow us to pick right up where we left off each and every time.  This is something that I sincerely hope to instill into my children.  Sure at this point they are only just under a year and a half and three and a half - but I think it's important, even at this stage. 

In general, I am not a person who questions myself very often.  Meaning, I usually have a pretty strong gut feeling about things, make a decision and live with it.  I normally don't spend too much time looking back or wondering "what if I would have....".    However, I've found with raising kids I become totally opposite!  I have days where I wonder where in the world did I go wrong?!  What have I done?! Did I spend too much time today worrying about a clean house when I could have been playing with my kids?!  Did I handle that temper tantrum properly?!  Am I treating all of them equally, spending enough quality time with each of them?!  Why are all of my kids screaming and crying for no reason right now?!  Why in the world are they fighting over each and every toy today?!  How come each diaper change is the end of the world this week?!  It's kind of pathetic. 

I think this is magnified in me by everyone's assumption that simply because Addison has twin brothers, she must be insanely jealous of the attention they get and totally hate them for it.  Or that simply because Lucas and Evan are twins, they will have some void of never getting enough one on one time from me.  When we run into other parents of multiples (or even just other people in general) they ALWAYS ask me how Addison handles having twin brothers and then tell me a story about how their older siblings can't stand their twins or the attention they get.  I kind of hate that.  But in these moments, I am reminded of how lucky we are.  Sure I believe that it was hard for Addison at just under 2 1/2 to understand the end of my pregnancy when I went on bed rest and everything that mom used to do with and for her was now being done by someone else.  But she handled it pretty darn well in my opinion.  I definitely think it was an adjustment for all of us learning how much time it would take for us to care for the twins in the beginning.  Addison had her moments of acting out, moments of tears because she wanted me to be able to do everything the way we used to.  But to be honest, I hear those same stories from my friends with singletons and even worse stories at that!  Was the behavior due to the twins?  Due to her being 2 1/2?  In the end, maybe a combination of both.  Either way, I think, gosh - if people could only see how she cares for them, waits patiently for them to be taken care of before her needs are met - I think they would be amazed.  It's kind of hard for me to explain.  But when I am reminded, I consider these moments to have such redeeming value in my quest for a tight knit family.  In these moments I think, ok - maybe something really is headed in the right direction here.

Moments such as when Addison comes home from preschool and the boys run and tackle her with a hug....

 

 

 

 

Moments when I take the first boy up to lay him down for a nap and come down to find that Addison has become a second mom to the one who was waiting downstairs for his turn.  She had propped him up on a pillow, wrapped him in blankets and had given him a pacifier and is rubbing his head gently while he waits for me...

 

 

 

Moments where I find them all playing together happily, laughing and enjoying each other's company...forts, pretend trains, movies....

 

 

 

 



 

Of course we still have our ugly moments: temper tantrums, fights over toys, occasional pushes and shoves and of course I still do fear the teenage years and what all that brings (!!), but I find that God calms me down each evening when I lay them in bed and look at them peacefully sleeping.  It's like His way of telling me "Forget today's shortcomings. You can do this again tomorrow.  I don't call the qualified.  I qualify the called." 

 

I sure hope I do these three precious souls justice.