So we have hit another milestone in the Vince household. The twins are weaned. Sounds funny to some, but this is a big step I think. Even with Addison, this moment was bittersweet. It is again as I go through it with the boys.
I never really thought it would be harder for me, than for the baby. In some ways it was! I remember half dreading, half looking forward to weaning Addison. I was pretty much ready to have my body entirely back to me and some of the freedoms that came along with being done breastfeeding. For instance, being able to take cold medicine when I had a cold :). However, as a mom - there is for sure that indescribable bond that forms when you nurse your baby and letting go of that is sometimes difficult. Perhaps it is coming to terms with the fact that your "baby" is becoming more of a "toddler". Or perhaps it is knowing that you won't be able to ever soothe them in quite the same way that you could when you nursed them. I'll always cherish the precious calm that overcame each one of my children as they nursed. There is nothing like witnessing your baby go limp with relaxation and watching how warm, secure, content and satisfied they are at that time.
I kind of tricked myself into being done nursing Addison. It was time and she was just over 1 yr and losing interest and I was ready to be done as well. We were down to only one feeding right before bed. One night she didn't seem to want to and so I put her to bed without nursing her and never looked back. I spared myself that feeling of "this is the last time I'll ever nurse her....etc". I told myself, you will nurse your other babies so don't feel down about being finished with the first one.
It's been an interesting ride with the twins. I wanted to be able to nurse them. I figured they would arrive premature and wanted to give them the benefits of breastmilk. I wanted to bond with them in the same way I had with my first child and not be forced into a different arrangement simply because they had arrived at the same time. While feeling all of this, I also forced myself to be open minded and realize that this was, in fact, a different situation and I might not be able to meet my expectations.
They were born about a month early and they didn't latch on well. I pumped milk for the first two months and gave it to them in bottles while trying to work with them on that. Picture pumping enough to feed TWO newborns who fed every 1 1/2 - 2hrs round the clock. I was a crazy person. I remember talking to a friend (also a mother of twins) who told me that you give everything to your children. It's OK to take your boobs back! Sometimes you have to look to what benefits your entire family. The time you spend pumping on top of the time you spend feeding them is time that could be given to Addison or to Justin, or even to the twins themselves. I really appreciated that advice. So by the end of the 2 months I said - either we do this or we go to formula. No more pumping. I was very pleased that the boys finally caught on and I was able to nurse them solely til 6 months. I had to keep a sense of humor. Many times I needed to feed them both at once. Tricky to say the least. I will always smile as I remember nursing them together and how they would actually hold hands. At 6mos, they became quite distracted and it was hard to nurse the two of them during our busy days. I went 50/50 - half formula in bottles, half nursing. That worked well for us up to 1 yr old.
I explain all of that only to say that now I look back and am somewhat amazed that we came this far. I will miss it. The boys have had a harder time letting go than Addison did. Although I did nurse them together in the early months, as they got older and nursed less - I made this time my "alone" time with them. It's been the time where they get to be with just me and I get to be with just them. That doesn't happen very often and I think both sides cherished it. I still make bedtime a special one on one time. I've learned that letting go of some things only means beginning new traditions. It's ok.
I have a lot of friends and family having babies right now. Some for the first time, others the second and third times. If there is anything I have personally learned, it is to do whatever feels right for you and your family. Go with your gut. There was a time when I worried about what all the books said. "Don't nurse before bed and create bad habits." "Push them to go at least so many hours before nursing again." "Don't supplement with formula." A time when I cared about what others thought about our routines. I couldn't care less these days. In our house we always sought to find a middle ground. I didn't want to be a human pacifier, but I did want to meet my children's needs. I LOVED every second I spent nursing my children. Be it 2pm or 2am. In fact, even though I despised the lack of sleep, I think some of my favorite moments with my newborn babies were spent in the quiet of the middle of the night or early morning. Just us. Nursing. Cuddling and half dreaming. You don't get that back. It is a beautiful, normal, needed thing and should be cherished.
My funbags have had a good run ;))
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